When you are single, you may not expect your future thoughts about planning a family to take you into areas of conflict. This especially true when you meet a partner for life and are heading towards marriage, these discussions are important for both of you. In some cultures, decisions about children are not open to discussion and this is one of the main reasons why premarital therapy can be extremely useful to open lines of dialogue.
Discussing Issues of Gender First
In some cultures, around the world and within some religions, male and female views are given and heard with different levels of authorization, compared to other philosophies.
Parents and grandparents tend to set the model for how you are expected to behave because of your religion and your culture. This may conflict with the individual that you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with and even your choice of partner may become a battle with your parents and other family members.
By discussing these differences through premarital therapy, you will both understand exactly how the other feels about the circumstances. This provides you with the opportunity to make agreements about what will happen when further conflicts arise, when they are related to the same issues.
At the very basic level, gender questions may decide who is going to drive the vehicle, cook for the family, clean the home and look after the children. Will the couple both be able to work and who will be required to look after the children should either of them become ill?
This Opens the Discussion About Children
Do you mutually have a say in planning to begin a family or are some of these expectations taken for granted by one or both of you?
Areas of law that cover abortion and cultural conversations about children before marriage may open discussions where premarital therapy will help share your opinions and guide you towards future decisions.
How you intend to raise your children and encourage their values may be influenced by your previous culture or religion and this may clash with your partner.
One of the most important aspects of bringing up children is to decide what areas of punishment are acceptable and what is completely inappropriate. The answers to these questions may be sufficient for the couple to accept how the differences may continue in the future, but may also become a deal breaker before the marriage has even begun.
While ongoing discussion is a never-ending formulation of a plan for your children, communication to find the highest level of agreement will be a great advantage for your children’s upbringing.
